Guard Boner Donor
Abbot
(President)

NAME?: Captain of the Guard Boner Donor

OTHER ALIASES?: Anastasia Beaverhausen

YOUR OCCUPATION?: Drilling

DATE OF BIRTH?: Sometime between the earth cooling and Stonewall

HOMETOWN?: Wherever I hang my hat is home

WHY DID YOU JOIN?:  Barbra Streisand appeared to me in a vision and said “Go forth and spread my good word”.  When I awoke from this drug addled state, I decided that I should spread it as much as possible and was told that nobody spreads it like the Sisters, so I joined.

SPONSOR IN THE ORDER?:  I suddenly appeared with no mother… kind of like Venus.  The LA Sisters cast the body of Harry Hay into the ocean and I emerged naked and horny.

WHEN DID YOU DISCOVER YOUR CALLING?: When the little light started blinking on the answering machine.

SPIRITUAL BELIEF (IF ANY):  I follow a Judeo/Christian/Pagan/Agnostic/Atheistic/Buddhist/Muslim/Capitalistic path.  It is bumpy and zig-zaggy but it brings me to the truth that all who are in the world are actually there and not just a figment of my imagination.  Total bummer.

GOALS AND ASPIRATIONS?:  World domination quickly followed by a nap.

RULES I LIVE BY?:  Don’t pee into the wind if you’re wearing khakis.  Also, one day at a time… I sure miss Bonnie Franklin.